


mistakes

by jenohyucks



Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cheating, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Feels, Hyungki, Kihyungwon, M/M, angst with a... peaceful(?) ending, besties kihyuk and hyungkyun, kiwon, lol i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:16:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9379961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenohyucks/pseuds/jenohyucks
Summary: the two count their mistakes,but  do nothing  to  fix them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be fluffy but i'm shit at writing fluff and angst is the next best thing, anyway.

kihyun wakes up, missing the warmth of slender arms around him. it hasn't been that long, but he feels like it's been forever since hyungwon held him. 

 

he could've been there with him, had kihyun let him. but as much as kihyun loves the taller male, he isn't stupid to blindly give in to his apologies, even if it hurts like hell. but kihyun convinces himself he has to stand by his decision, at least until he gets his mind clear. but that really doesn't seem to be soon, when kihyun looks in the mirror, and he realizes he's a complete mess without hyungwon. kihyun feels tears trickling down his cheeks, leaving wet trails that feel like they're burning into kihyun's skin. he misses hyungwon, he misses him so much, but he'd never tell him. not right now, anyway.

 

kihyun rubs his eyes, somehow forcing himself to take a shower and stop crying, even though he couldn't will himself to stop thinking about hyungwon. he remembers how they'd met, when kihyun had actually listened to minhyuk for once and went out. he remembers that same night, hyungwon planting soft kisses to his neck, lips, thighs, everywhere. he remembers how hyungwon had asked him if they could stay like that throughout the night, he remembers asking hyungwon to stay with him in the morning. 

kihyun counts that as three of his mistakes, or four, when he thinks about it better.

 

he checks his phone, and is a little disappointed when he doesn't see a text from hyungwon, even though he asked the taller to give him space. he knew hyungwon was abiding by his rules, so why the fuck did it sting him so much when he didn't text? 

there is, however, a text from minhyuk, asking how kihyun is. kihyun doesn't bother replying, even if he does have his read receipts on, he doesn't care about anything at this moment. he hated this. he hated himself for letting hyungwon in, he hated hyungwon for betraying him. somehow, he felt something he wouldn't necessarily classify as anger, maybe sadness... possibly disappointment, but he wasn't  _really_  mad. just tragically disappointed. kihyun groans and goes back to bed. he doesn't feel like eating. not now.

 

 

 

 

hyungwon is staring at the ceiling, tears slowly spilling out of his eyes. he hadn't cried in a long time, but i guess everything comes to an end. he counted how many mistakes he'd made in his and kihyun's relationship, and how many times kihyun had forgiven him. his heart was trembling, and he had a gut feeling this time wouldn't be like every else. this time, he wouldn't be getting his forgiveness, at least not so easily.

but hyungwon was too exhausted to move, too drained to think of kihyun, too caugh up in self-hate to check on the older. he had done kihyun so wrong, so, so many times. he felt empty, except the regret filling him. he chuckled bitterly at the darkness surrounding him, even though it was barely noon. by this time, usually kihyun would stop by to wake him up, or he'd just sleep over so he could wake both of them in the morning. anyway, hyungwon had gotten pretty used to kihyun's voice when he wakes up, but kihyun wasn't here now.

 

and it was all hyungwon's fault. 

 

 

 

 

kihyun barely wakes up when he feels someone hovering above him, too drunk to guess it'd be minhyuk, a worried expression on his usually cheerful face. his head is hurting like hell, but the alcohol still hasn't worn off, so kihyun slightly giggles, turning around in a slurrish manner, worrying minhyuk even further.

'' damn it, kihyun. how drunk are you? '', minhyuk asks, but kihyun starts counting stars on the ceiling, even though there aren't any stars at all, which says a lot, really, and minhyuk huffs.

 

'' you need to stop drinking if you'll get wasted only when something bad happens, and then go clean until someone hurts you again. it's not how alcohol works, you dumbass '', minhyuk is a little confused since he hasn't dealt with a drunk kihyun in a long, long time, but he slowly gets the hang of it. when he sobers up a bit, kihyun back-hugs minhyuk and cries. he cries a lot.

 

 

 

 

hyungwon doesn't bother to go to school, even if he's heard from his friends that kihyun does. they send him regular updates about the smaller man, and how he's not so bitter anymore, how he doesn't speak at all, and hyungwon is rather worried, but kihyun wanted space. hyungwon convinces himself that all he can really do is mope around and fail a few exams due to not showing up, until kihyun decides what he wants.

 

and if there's anything hyungwon knows about kihyun, then he knows his wounds don't heal so quickly, and suddenly he hates himself even more, after remembering that.

 

 

 

 

minhyuk is angry at hyungwon, but kihyun warns him not to do anything, and minhyuk listens. in all his years he's spent with the younger, he's never seen him so... sad, hurt, and it makes him so mad that he can't do anything to help. he doesn't know what to do. sure, he makes kihyun laugh and smile, but minhyuk isn't stupid, no matter how many times he makes himself look it, for the sake of his friends. minhyuk knows kihyun's laugh isn't real at all, and that he just wants to disappear off the face of the earth. 

eventually, hyungwon shows up at school. that day, no one talks to him, except his closest friend, im changkyun, and he feels the eyes of everyone on him, because the entire school treasures their precious kihyun, who can do no wrong. hyungwon knows he deserves the whispers and the dirty looks he gets, because he glares at himself every morning.

 

when kihyun spots him, he first notices the bags under his eyes, and he's worried about hyungwon's sleep. minhyuk wants to slap him because he still worries about hyungwon, even after the things he did to him. hyungwon thinks kihyun looks beautiful as ever, only a little bit... broken. kihyun's the first one to smile at hyungwon, waving softly at him, and hyungwon waves back. his eyes linger on kihyun's figure when he walks past him, feeling minhyuk's angry eyes on him, and he's really glad minhyuk can't shoot daggers with his eyes, because hyungwon would be dead from the moment he had walked into school grounds. but the entire school is judging him, and he feels even guiltier under their glares, because hell, he knows he fucked up. it doesn't help when he notices that even changkyun hesitates in talking to him, stuttering as if to watch his words. 

 

 

 

time passes, and hyungwon slowly becomes forgiven by everyone, even though the title ''the guy who cheated on kihyun'' would forever stick around, and it's pretty much the first thing anyone finds out about him, but it's okay. he doesn't really care about what strangers think of him, it just makes him remember how badly he fucked up with kihyun.

 

ah, speaking of kihyun, his smiles are still fake. he still misses hyungwon's warmth, and he's still miserable, but he can't find it in his heart to forgive. not this time. he feels broken, but he's slowly getting better. it still hurts, but only when he thinks about it. he's not mad at hyungwon, he just can't let it go. he can't let him go, either.

whenever hyungwon passes him, the two exchange a small ''hello'', or a wave, and a shy smile, and kihyun's eyes water instantly, eyes lingering on hyungwon's figure. hyungwon huffs after he passes kihyun, because he never stopped hating himself. it's him who broke them apart, it's him who broke kihyun. it's him who should be hurting, but somehow, kihyun hurts as well.

he doesn't deserve the pain, hyungwon thinks.

 

 

_but there they are, hurting seperately, counting their mistakes, hyungwon hating himself, kihyun hating everything else._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was... fun:')


End file.
